You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
