Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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