Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
