She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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