i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
