where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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