Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
