I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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