Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need water and some morals
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
