if you like me you must not know who I am
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My vagina just recognized that song.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
