3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
too bad you live with your parents still
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
