I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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