i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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