she was so not down for the gang bang
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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