it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
