every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
