You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
