Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
