it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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