fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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