I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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