You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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