I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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