It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
