he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
