Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
