So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
