I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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