my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
