oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
