i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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