haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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