How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize