my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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