It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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