how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
