I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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