Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
