Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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