I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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