I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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