My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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