Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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