so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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