I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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