I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
