i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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