So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
