I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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