I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
