that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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