you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
