Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
