i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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