Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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