there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
