apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
