evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
