hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it's like iHOP with fire
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
