whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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