i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
