Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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