Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
