I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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