it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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