I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
