The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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