I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
