I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
